"I Met God on the Bathroom Floor" | Alie Johnson Part 2

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In Part 2 of Alie Johnson’s story, Charity and Tania continue the conversation around forgiveness, addiction, shame, prison ministry, and the freedom Jesus brings when we finally begin to put the stones down.

Alie shares how God helped her forgive the man who caused so much pain in her life, how she learned to forgive herself, and how her story now helps women in prison encounter the love and grace of Jesus. This conversation is raw, tender, and deeply hopeful for anyone who feels trapped by bitterness, shame, regret, or the weight of what happened to them.

Some of the heaviness we carry is unforgiveness. Maybe it is time to lay it down.

Celebrate Recovery
https://celebraterecovery.com/

Connect with Allie and Channel Mom:
https://www.channelmom.org/
alie@channelmom.org

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Intentional Breakthrough Resources:

THE BOOK: Intentional Breakthrough by Charity Gurtler
https://a.co/d/08wOsvMY

Intentional breakthrough is possible when we align ourselves with God’s love and truth. You don’t have to sit and wait for your breakthrough to happen. Healing and restoration are attainable. Begin your journey today.

Go Deeper with us:
https://intentionalbreakthrough.com/
https://www.anchoredbiblicalcounseling.org/

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Can you share the first line? You started writing your story down. Can you share the first line that you wrote down? Do you remember what it is?

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Oh gosh. I knew I knew I should have had that over here. Charity made me write a book. Working at it. That's amazing. I'm working on it.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

Oh, how exciting. No, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 0:21

Charity, do you remember what the first line is? Because I feel like you do. Something like I was there on the bathroom floor, face against the tile, giving up, nothing left. I didn't look like a woman with a purpose, but I was. Because God can come and redeem anything. Yeah. Something like that. You wrote it much better.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

That's amazing. Maybe that's like part of the title in the beginning. What a great way, right? What a great way to introduce the whole parts.

SPEAKER_03 0:59

Welcome to the Intentional Breakthrough Podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Tanya Hilton. And we get the privilege, the honor of having Ellie Johnson back with us again today. We're going to continue her story and just, yeah, there's just so much more to unpack and talk about the um if you didn't catch it, I'd really recommend listening to that one first. It's last week. Um listen to that first part um before digging into this one because we're gonna just jump in right where we left off. And so Ellie, thanks for coming back with us and spending your time with us. Um your story is beautiful. It's beautiful. It's because it's raw, it's real, it's vulnerable. It's it's really just you and Jesus um and and letting his love transform you and change you. And when we had to cut off last week, we were really starting to dig into forgiveness and just what you've learned about that. And what I love about your answer was how real it was. It wasn't like the cookie cutter answer that we're taught in Sunday school. It's like, no, this is this was hard and this was real. And I was literally on the bathroom floor, on my face on the bathroom floor. And I had to find out what real love was like. I had to find out something real that could change me and um dig out of addiction. And that's what people are looking for. That's what people need. We we all have the cookie cutter answer from Sunday school. And I I think that's great for what it is, but the love that transforms people, that brings that breakthrough, that brings that encounter with the living God, that's what we need. And that's what you can see in your story. And I love that. And so talking about forgiveness, um, your answer was so beautiful last week, but I would just like to unpack that even more. And so could you just talk more? Well, actually, first I'm really curious. So, so when God led you to start working in the prison ministry, you were with women who probably did what was done to you. Yeah. How did you start to process that?

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Um, well, I truly think that God placed the the right women in front of me to prepare my heart for this too. Um, there is one woman who stayed after class one day, and this is really just the tip of the iceberg of really realizing that I was in the right place because um she she came up to me after class and she's like, there's just something that's been on my heart. And um that we were at week six, and this was somebody who wasn't very vocal during class. Um, she didn't share much. Um, but when she did, it was powerful. And I knew she had a story behind her. Um, and and usually between five and six is when we start getting people coming out of their shell. And then unfortunately, you know, by week 10, it's like, I don't want this to end. But she came up and um she was like, I just want to share a piece of my story and how the forgiveness lesson really helped me. And she was sharing that she was on year nine of her 14-year sentence, and uh she was sentenced for a drunk driving accident that killed a young couple um with her daughter in the car. And um, she lives every single day with regret and shame and has never been able to forgive herself for the lives that she took. And um, she thanked me for sharing my story because she's like, although my victims are no longer here, um, I can begin to work to hope that at some point in their lives they would have forgiven me for what I had done. And um it was so true and authentic of like this girl who hadn't shared much really got something out of that forgiveness piece because multiple times she considered taking her own life. I mean, there the most um real thing that she had was the hope that in in 14 years of her sentence that she would be released and be a part of her daughter's life. And her daughter was the one that kept her going. And um for nine years though, she still hadn't forgiven herself, and she acknowledged that she could begin to forgive herself. And I think about her every single day. Um, and I and I pray for her to be able to release that and and lay it at the cross um every single day.

SPEAKER_03 5:22

That's when that is really powerful. Um that is Charity, I want to ask you.

SPEAKER_02 5:29

Like you you're you're uh feeling this really deeply. Tell me why. Why are you feeling this so deeply? How much God loves each of us so much.

SPEAKER_03 5:37

Like he loves that lady in prison so much. He's after her, he's pursuing her, he loves her, he wants her free, he wants her healed, and just how he approaches all of us with forgiveness constantly in his gaze, like constantly there. He is constantly forgiving us and he's forgiven her, you know? And um gosh, so he wants more than anything to just love her and surround her with her love, heal her, heal her family, heal her relationship with her daughter, and he's after her and just the love that he is showing her through you. And um, you guys know this, but one of my prayers often is God, I'm your boots on the ground. So you're the one with with the love, with the life-changing power, the life-changing revelation, the power like that we all need that that we're just like so hungry for. Um, but he doesn't actually have physical boots on the ground except through us. And so I'm like, I'm your boots on the ground. What do you want to do today? And Ali, you were his boots on the ground to show her love, to show her the power of forgiveness, to show her that there is hope, that there is redemption. And that's who Jesus is. And I know that he has that family and also like tears for that family. That that is really sad. And that's not something I think that's ever a plan A, that's ever the ideal situation. But sin is in the world and the enemy does come to steal, kill, and destroy. And when he takes a punch, it's devastating. And I never want that to happen. But God is the master chess player. And when the enemy takes a punch to see how he can work something beautiful out of that is amazing every single time. I've seen it many times and I know I'm gonna see it many more. And that's one of those times where he's working an amazing story out of that. And I know that she is going to find that forgiveness for herself. And forgiving herself is probably one of is a huge breakthrough piece for her and her whole generational line that maybe no one has been able to break through for a long time. And because of your love and your forgiveness and your humility and Jesus flowing through you, your submission to him and who he is, and that flows through you to her, she's probably gonna experience an incredible breakthrough that's gonna break through for her and her daughter's life and her generational line and bring something new and beautiful into her family through all of that.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

So Jerry, you said that was something so important though. You said, um, you said this is never plan A. This is so let's be clear, is like sin is not God's plan. God does not, he does not create sin, he does not do sin to come for it to that's not plan A. But like you said, he is the ultimate chess player because we're the enemy, what the enemy meant for evil, God turns it to something so beautiful. He makes, he makes beauty out of ashes of everything. So when sin happens, which we live in this side of eternity, so sin will happen. We know that it is a part of the world that we live in, the flesh that we live in. Sin is um the death of the couple that did not deserve that. Sin is you being hit by a drunk driver, you did not deserve that, stealing the time away from your children, that that other early motherhood experience, like that's sin. But God, I love it. I'm always like, God's like, here, hold my beer, like watch what I'm gonna do through this, right? Okay, so and we see it in scripture. He says he makes all things for good for the people who love him. And so out of the God, this is the part that gets me. It's like out of the tragedy, out of the sin, out of the suffering, he says he turns everything for good. And it's like to his glory so that we can point people to the cross, we can point people to what Christ has done and remind them that Christ is for them. You know, that that's the beauty that comes out of this. Like, look at your story, Allie, the redemption story that from that, and then how God is using you through your suffering to help point other people to the cross. It's beautiful. That's not the plan, but it's beautiful. Yeah. Oh, it does win.

SPEAKER_03 9:42

It does win. And that's the message.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

Yeah. Yes. Well, and I feel so honored that God would choose me. And, you know, that's that's the revelation that comes years after the accident. It's like all of this was a a part of his plan. It's like that suffering wasn't for nothing. That suffering was intentional for that heartwork to really start so that I could be the boots on the ground. Because without it, I mean, I don't feel like I would have been equipped for prison ministry. And I'm not saying that anybody who steps into prison ministry has to have a dramatic story. That's not what I'm saying. But that's how God used me was by turning that around. And I wanted to share one of the um stories that God continued to lay on my heart. And I'm like, I don't see the connection here until I did. And that was the the the story of the woman who was dragged to Jesus, who was caught in adultery. And I'm like, why do you keep showing me this? Like I'm the adultery piece, I didn't understand until I really read and reread what this story is is saying. And um, for those that aren't familiar with with this story, this woman um was caught in adultery and was dragged to Jesus. And um the people of the town were saying, Jesus, are are we going to stone her? And they thought they already like knew the answer that yes, like she was going to be stoned because um of her actions. And um Jesus uh replied so beautifully in the way that um he who has not sinned casts the first stone. And the stones began to drop one by one, because none of them could could stand there and say that they haven't sinned to cast the first stone. And with nobody there, Jesus looked at this woman and he he asked her, Where are the condemners? And she said, There are none, Lord. And because they all walked away. They all walked away. And Jesus, Jesus responds, then I I shall not condemn thee, go and sin no more, and releases her. And like that piece of grace, like he didn't meet her with condemnation, he met her with compassion and truth. And if we look past what she was brought to Jesus for, it made sense to me that this woman is not this woman of what she did. This woman is all of us. This woman is all of us with different stories, different wounds, um, different traumas. But we've all stood in that place of feeling exposed and ashamed and disqualified. But Jesus extends that same love to us that he extended to that woman. And the symbolism of that woman being all of us, that God meets us with grace, compassion, and just that love, that overwhelming love of like, okay, I forgive you. We recognize that we're there's sin has entered the world on page one. You know, we know that sin enters the world on page one. Um, and so this this life isn't without sin, but it's it's just a matter of realizing that God meets us in that place where we feel exposed, ashamed, and broken. And he will meet the women in prison, he'll meet that woman with just the same love and grace. So to get back to the forgiveness piece is like, if God can forgive me for everything that I have done, why can I not forgive the man that I'm I'm so so bitter and angry against? Like if he's forgiven me, why can't I extend that forgiveness? Because we can point people to Jesus by just loving them like Jesus. And the first step is to recognize, like, yeah, I've I've been saved, I've been forgiven, and everybody deserves that same love and that same grace.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

So you realize that we're all in the same boat together. You, the ladies in prison, the drunk driver, you guys, we're all on the same playing field. We're all at the same level. We all need God's forgiveness. Was that some of the revelation that kind of helped you forgive him? Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

Because we're all worthy of it. We're all sons and daughters of God. And um, you know, I I want to make clear that the actions are never excused. Um, they just need to be brought into the light so that we can move forward from them.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

Yeah. Yeah, I don't think there's true forgiveness with denial. Uh it's it's only when accepting it and letting it come to the light that's the only place we can actually begin forgiving. So last week you talked about when God first started whispering to you, it's time to forgive this person. You're like, no, no. So it sounds I'm just curious. Speak more into how he brought you there. So this was a big piece of it was realizing that we're all in the same playing field, we're all on the level playing field. We all just need his forgiveness, period. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Yeah. I mean, it it started, it started with that. It started just with getting in the word and getting in the word and God starting to to reveal um things through scripture in in me to start to work on. You know, it also came through intentional prayer. It's like God already knows what we're asking for, but we need to be intentional in our prayer of God, this is hard, recognizing and calling it out and um claiming the power of the restoration through prayer of like, I don't know how to do this. God lead me, show me the way, um, point things out, you know, starting to go to church more um and being in the word and really truly like working on me because that's what he wanted to do. He wanted to work on something inside of me before I could ever help heal anybody else. How did he work on you? What does that look like? What did that look like? I don't I don't even know if I have a clear answer on that to be honest. Just letting him, just letting him work on you. Just trusting, just laying it down and and trusting. And it's really hard to say that um to anybody who maybe has never walked through a season like that, um, because it's not clear. There's a lot of gray area, and sometimes, you know, at the very beginning of faith, too, it's really hard to understand. It's like you don't always, it's it's not a conversation like you and I are having. It's like, how do I hear what God is trying to say? And it's it's through people, um, you know, people that he would place in my life, um, you know, Christian friends and um, you know, mentors and things like that. Like, I had to put one foot in front of the the other. Um by continuing to show up and wanting to work on it, but I feel like God just did rest. Like what? Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, that's I mean, that's it's not a very clear answer. So I'm sorry about that. But it's it's really the clarity is through prayer and scripture and just continuing to not give up on that showing up. He will he will continue to reveal things to you.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

What were the fruits? Because you would have you would have noticed fruits to know because I think that's the hardest thing. Like I I have people sometimes say, Well, how do I know that it's God talking to me? Or how do I know that you know this is the Lord or or that he's hearing me? But you had to have obviously seen fruits during these little baby step progresses of of forgiveness. What were the fruits in your own life?

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Um, I think, I think for me, it it obviously at some time it would come for confirmation through people of like I'm on the right path. Um, you know, maybe something that I said, or maybe I even forgot that I had said, and they're like, you know, I really remember when you said this. And it brings it back up. And I'm like, oh, okay, I was on the right path. So like that's the fruit in other people of just continuing to model that steadfast faith, that really firm foundation in Christ. Um, so people and like for me, it was freedom. Um I I talked a little bit about that physical weight lifting. Um it's so hard to explain just the power in that feeling. But I truly felt trapped. Like, and I and I point to my shoulders because I always carried the weight like up here. And it just was this heavy, like deep pressure in in my neck and and in my shoulders. And like I I walked with a sense of purpose when that weight lifted. Like I was more confident, I was sitting upright. I I just physically, I just I felt did you physically feel a difference?

SPEAKER_03 18:33

Like in your neck and shoulders?

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Yes. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

Um, and you know, the freedom, the freedom of not being bound to that accident. Um, so the the freedom of not replaying it anymore, and the freedom of not being caught in that negative cycle. Um, because I would wake up and I would think about it and I would be like, you know, with every little action, like if it hurt to pick up my daughter, it was like, oh, it would go back to the accident. Getting in the car every single day, like I my husband calls me a passenger princess, and it's because I don't really like to drive. Um, and you know, there's a reason. It's just it that has come back, but I've come a long way. Um, you know, I'll offer to drive sometimes now. And it's like so little things like that, it can be very small wins and freedoms, but and there's also some very big ones. And so the the fruits really just I would say is is releasing my own stones, like not being so condemning to myself, so hard on myself. Um and and feeling confident in the direction that the Lord has me on, the path that He has me on. I know it's it's all it's all for good. And at one point in time it never made sense to me why I was going through these things. And now it's so clear. Um, I just see so many things come full circle of like, oh, I didn't think that that had relevance before, and now it does.

SPEAKER_03 19:57

Um and you didn't know that along the way, but just trusting him, daily trusting, I'm just gonna trust you, God. You had no idea the story that he was putting together and that he was writing. Yeah. Um you we've talked a lot about this concept of forgiving yourself. And I think that's a big thing people don't think about. They always think, like, oh, I got to forgive this person, forgive this person. But honestly, I've worked with people for a long time now, years and years, and that is one of the biggest things people need to forgive. And they often people don't even know about it. So, what was the process like in forgiving yourself? It was hard.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

I feel like that's kind of where I started. I started inward before I could do anything outward. Um because I knew that if I was operating in the same way that I was operating before, there was not going to be any way that I was gonna be able to forgive him for this.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

Um I had to change.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Yeah. I had to. And it it came back to that that prayer where so clearly I was like, I can't do this anymore. Like, God, I need you. And um when he started to reveal that I needed to work on myself, I I started to see more clearly as like there is a level of sin, but I think God looks at it the exact same way, regardless of what the sin is, regardless of what mistakes or or brokenness we have, it's all measured in the same way. Um because God redeems. And when I started to understand that message too, um I I began to give myself more grace because I knew that he was extending it to me. Um, and so I was able to extend it to myself. Um and you know, I I go back to that bondage that I had. I was just so constricted. I was just so broken and f in the way I was feeling and unhappy, and just all of those things released once I started to forgive myself because it sits up here for so long until you uh realize that when you forgive. Yourself or when you forgive others, it doesn't sit in the forefront of your mind all the time. It's it's almost like you have to go and search for that to bring it back up to resurface it. And so it's it's freeing to be able to know that it's it's only there by chance or by triggers. Um and it's not constantly taking up my my thoughts.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

I have a question about um just I I keep thinking because this has been a process for you, not just of forgiveness, but also the addiction piece of it. Um and we had mentioned offline that I I counsel people sometimes that come to me uh for addiction. And I have not walked through that personally, other than with the people that I loved ones in my life. And so what does that look like for you? What were pri uh uh here? Okay, let me back up. Sometimes, and I think that this is where we struggle as Christians, um, and as Christian counselors, they that they say, well, just pray more about it, take it to the Lord, you know, pray about it. And sometimes that can be damaging to people who are truly struggling with addiction because it's more than just a faith. It's not a faith issue, it is also an actual substance, chemical dependency type issues. And even with alcohol, that's not something that most people who truly have uh like a deep addiction that they can't, you can't just stop like medically, even with alcohol, it's something that people have stopped and it could kill them in 48 hours. So, how was it for you walking through that addiction and substance abuse recovery? And what are maybe some um words of encouragement or tools or tips? Like what helped you the most as a Christian walking through this? How did you how are you getting through it?

SPEAKER_00 23:43

Yeah. Um, first and foremost, it's like the the misconception with addiction is that um we can do it on our own. Um and you know, for for me, I was able to do it on my own and I I don't take that lightly. Um, and so I would recommend, you know, if anybody is struggling with that, it's okay to get help. Um, it's okay to be vulnerable and to seek professional help because I'm not I'm not saying that that everybody can can walk through that alone, especially in the sense of how dangerous it can be. Um and so for me, it was it was a slow process. It wasn't like I just cut it overnight. Um, I I continued to walk through that, but I I did it less and less, and things became louder to me as I was walking through it, of like there's so much more. There's so much more to to life. I don't I started to have these thoughts of like, when I'm in, when I'm in the thick of this, like I don't, I don't feel great. Like I don't, I'm I'm ruining relationships. I'm I'm not who I was. Like going back to who I was and who I wanted to be started to become the louder voice in my head. And as I got closer and closer to my relationship and my walk with the Lord, it's just like I didn't want those things. You know, we did talk offline of you know, but there was a point in time where I was like, oh yeah, I can go have a social drink. Like I'm sober, but I can I can handle my alcohol, I can have, you know, an occasional ladies' night and and wine, and just I I got to the point where I was like, I'm not a good steward of alcohol, and that's okay. Like I don't I don't have a healthy relationship with it. It's not like I can pick it up and and and stop. Um and so those things started to expose, get exposed within my own thoughts, and it's just like it it came to me. It just continued to like guide my direction and guide my my thought process.

SPEAKER_03 26:00

This is uh something we keep coming back to on this podcast. It's the thoughts. So before uh part one last week, you were talking about you would have these negative thoughts that would just almost be oil-consuming, and that would cause you to turn to alcohol. And now you're saying the difference was the positive thoughts became louder and louder. So a shift happened and it happened on the bathroom floor. So, what do you think happened on the bathroom floor? Like, what was the shift in you? The brokenness, the crying out to God, the him set, like what do you think that was in that pivotal moment? How would you define that shift between these thoughts being so loud and not able to hear this? And then it started to shift because that was the moment.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

Yeah, and it it was a it was a revelation. And it's our minds are so powerful. Like I truly believe like our our minds can can make or break how we walk through each and every single day. And um, you know, going through an experience that is life-altering, or you have a deeper understanding of how quickly life can be taken from you, those things uh you have a deeper under appreciation for how you walk through each and every single day. And so um it was almost like it turned into a survival tactic of like I had to intentionally start to fill my mind with positive things so that I wasn't stuck stuck in this negative cycle. Um, because that was what was flooding me so heavily before, because you know, I was I was stuck in anger and bitterness, resentment, and why me and this this essentially this this pity for myself of like the cycle, the negative cycle. And that's what I used to educate was alcohol because I didn't want to hear those thoughts anymore. I so so might as well just numb them so I don't have to think about it. Because I don't like the negative thoughts. How do I get rid of them? Because they're so loud in my head that the easiest thing to turn to is the alcohol. And so once I realized that I could be intentional with the way that I was thinking and what I was filling myself with, the the acceptance, the love of Jesus, like just realizing how much um we're loved and that those those things that were filling me before were lies. Um, that they weren't true, they weren't the truth, is like I am a daughter of God. And yes, I've made mistakes, but he still takes me exactly where I am. He meets me in this brokenness. And um so just intentionally, it it sounds really silly, but positive affirmations in the morning, just like looking at myself, and even if I didn't believe it, I would look at myself and just be like, I am beautiful, I am strong. And it's like I'm those things are so silly, but they actually work because you really start to believe them. So they work.

SPEAKER_03 28:54

The truth, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

And the and the affirmations, um, you know, there's a whole list of them you can just Google just different things and like you you start to really believe them and adopt them. Um because there's so much power in the tongue.

SPEAKER_03 29:08

You're filling your mind with truth because the lies will bring us down, they are from the enemy and they will trap you and pull you under, but the truth sets you free. It says that in John 8.32, the truth sets you free. And so you're filling your mind with the truth, and that will free your mind to start receiving what the Lord has. Because I see that negative cycle, that was the enemy. It was like trying to bury you, and that pivotal moment in the bathroom floor with things shifted. Yes, the truth, you were able, the truth is always there, but you was almost like you were able to hear it and able to receive it. That pivotal moment, do you think it was just crying out to Jesus for help, saying, God help me? Yeah. And something shifted. And all of a sudden, there he was. And like this opened up, you could hear a little bit more and a little bit more.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:53

Maybe just I mean he came. He came and he did something.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

He came, he came and he met me right there. And it's he's always there. It's it's community too. Um, I realized I couldn't do it alone. Um, and you know, just surrounding myself with people who constantly were speaking that truth into me as well. So it's like me saying those truths, but also having people to affirm those truths too. Yeah. Um, which was very hard during COVID. And so we all know that we didn't really have that community. And so once that um lockdown lifted, you know, surrounding with friends that, you know, not necessarily were just in um just an ally, but they were an advocate for me. And, you know, they were able to highlight some of these things of like, you, you, you're better than this. And it it helps.

SPEAKER_03 30:44

You're you had to be vulnerable with them though, for them to speak that to you.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:48

I want to slip in one more question. Yeah, Tanya, if I'm taking a question.

SPEAKER_02 30:52

Well, I just want to no, I'm not gonna take a question. I just I one of my favorite verses from Paul is um take every thought captive in Christ Jesus, and that's exactly what we're talking about. Taking every thought captive. So just for the listeners who are struggling in this area, two takeaways from this is one, take every thought captive, and two, get in community. So if you're not connected to a celebrate recovery, um, we hopefully let's we will add celebrate recovery links in this in this podcast. I just want to make sure our listeners are able to take some tools away from this. So those are the two things, like meditate on that scripture with affirmations. And so go ahead, charity, jump in with your last question.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

That's good. I like that. Last week you mentioned the word heart posture. When my heart posture was, I don't know if it was right or looking, turning towards God, he was able to work on me more and start softening my heart towards forgiveness, that kind of thing. Can you just speak into that a little bit more? What is heart posture? What does that look like? And how can someone how does that even change?

SPEAKER_00 31:52

Yeah, I mean, a lot of a lot of people, it's hard to change. Like once we have all of these things, like traditions and morals and things that we grow up in, it's like that's how we are brought up, that's how we are raised, and that's what we know, right? And so uh a heart posture can be brought up by a multitude of different things. Like it could be um, you know, your your past traumas, your your family, your geographical location. There's so many things that can affect your heart posture. Um and it can it can harden it or it can soften it. And um when we hold on to those lies, um, that's when our hearts harden and we have a hard time extending grace. But when we're able to take those thoughts captive um and and truly reframe the way that we we see this world, um, that we see ourselves, that we see others, that truly begins to soften. And um, you just have a deeper appreciation for the things that are around you, blessings big or small. Um, but you you start to see more and more things every single day of how beautiful our God is and and and who he's created us to be.

SPEAKER_03 33:07

It's almost like we're able to receive more because if it's hardened and we have these walls-up defense mechanisms, it's like things like bounce off and we're not even open to receive the blessings that are there. And as the heart posture changes and softens with truth and forgiveness, it's like opens us up to receive everything that's there, that's already there. That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 33:30

It's already there. It's just we have to we have to work on exposing it.

SPEAKER_03 33:34

Yeah, that's good. If you could leave anyone that listens to this with one truth, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 33:41

Um, I think put the stones down. Put the stones down. Um you know, living, living in that shame, the guilt, the bitterness. It's it's it's not great to just walk around with those. And, you know, Jesus never meets us with the condemnation. It's an invitation. And putting the stones down is an invitation to receive his love and his grace. And um, you know, none of us are disqualified. God uses each of us in different ways. And um, you know, just just allowing um your your heart to receive that love um because it's it's unexplainable how wonderful it is when you it when you get to that place, um, how peaceful it is, how how much freedom there is in just understanding that we have a God that loves us in the land of the living. And um He He's here for us. We don't have to do this walk alone. So put the stones down against others and against ourselves.

SPEAKER_03 34:44

Was there a little bit, I know we're going a little over, but you know what? That's okay. Was there a little bit of um a journey you had to walk through in forgiving God? And I just want to preface that by saying, I don't mean forgiving him like he did anything wrong because he didn't. We talked about that. It there's sin, there's death, destruction. That's what the enemy brings. And he that's not what he causes ever. Um, I just use the define the word forgiveness as releasing judgment against somebody. So I can use that instead. Was there was there a time where you had to release any judgment you held against God for allowing this to happen?

SPEAKER_00 35:15

Yeah. Once um, once I put my reliance into him on the bathroom floor, and once I said, God, I need you, I knew that he was my lifeline and I was gonna have to seriously work on that. There was nothing else that was going to come and save me. Um, I wasn't gonna save myself. And so I needed, I needed him in that moment. And there's the pivotal point on the bathroom floor right there. Okay, keep fine. Um, I mean, he he meets us in that brokenness and he started to reveal things to me that really started like the puzzle pieces started to come together. And so that's where like I was a little hesitant at first in my relationship. I'm like, I don't, I don't want to get hurt like this again. And um, so it just pe puzzle pieces started coming together and he started beginning to show me like this isn't for nothing. Your brokenness and pain and suffering isn't for nothing, it's just a season. Just trust me and I will walk you through that and I will show to you. And I have no doubt in my mind, like looking back now, like I'm on the other side of that. Going through it was the hardest experience of my entire life. And there's victory on the other side of that when God really shows me, like, you know, this is what I've called you to, this is what you're equipped for. And, you know, really taking the moment where I what thought I was too far gone or I was disqualified, I had broken, that I didn't think I had a future. But God put these puzzle pieces together so beautifully in the sense, like, I know and I stand confidently knowing that all of that was for such a time as this. Like, I am supposed to be in prison. I am supposed to be um, you know, revealing these truths to these ladies who have walked through a path of brokenness. And he has so clearly put on my heart that like all of this is leading up to this moment.

SPEAKER_03 37:11

And I I just can you share the first line? You started writing your story down. Can you share the first line that you wrote down? Do you remember what it is? Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_00 37:22

I knew I knew I should have had that over here. Charity made me write a book. Working on it. That's amazing. I'm working on it.

SPEAKER_02 37:31

Oh, how exciting.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

No, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 37:34

Charity, do you remember what the first line is? But I feel like you do. Something like I was there on the bathroom floor, face against the tile, giving up, nothing left. I didn't look like a woman with a purpose, but I was. Because God can come and redeem anything. Something like that. You wrote it much better.

SPEAKER_01 37:55

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 37:56

I would I wish I would have come prepared to have that.

SPEAKER_02 38:00

We will add it. When you get it, send it to us and we will be sure to add it in the description at the very end. Maybe that's like part of the title in the beginning. What a great way, right? What a great way to introduce the the whole parts. That's great.

SPEAKER_03 38:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:14

I love it.

SPEAKER_03 38:15

So can you, is there anything else, Tan, you want to ask? Anything else you want to leave us with, Allie?

SPEAKER_00 38:20

I mean, no, I just I thank you, ladies, for allowing me to share. And, you know, one thing I hope that, you know, any of the listeners struggling in a season um with difficulty, it's like just don't don't give up. Um, you know, put your trust in him and I promise he will reveal it to you if you let him.

SPEAKER_03 38:39

That's beautiful. Thank you. And can you share again how people can get connected with this ministry if they're interested? And what it would look like to participate.

SPEAKER_00 38:47

Yeah, so there's a lot of different volunteer opportunities that we have. We also we have the in-prison facilitation in uh Perryville Correctional out here in uh Arizona, and then Denver Women's Correctional and La Vista. Um, so we have in-prison classes, and there's also projects and things um at home. We do words of encouragement or encouragement cards that you can write from the comfort of your own home. So there's just different ways to volunteer to just bring um the love of Jesus to these ladies. So if any um if you want more details on that, you can go to our website www.channelmom.org. Or you can email me directly um and say that you heard the story on um charity and tanya's podcast. Um and you can email me at Ali A-L-I-E at channel mom.org.

SPEAKER_03 39:39

Okay, we'll put those up on there for people.

SPEAKER_02 39:41

Yeah. It's wonderful.

SPEAKER_03 39:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 39:43

Exciting.

SPEAKER_03 39:44

Well, thank you, Allie.

SPEAKER_02 39:45

Tanya, anything else? No, I just love it. Like I just had this vision, like hearing when you're talking about take putting the stones down. I just remember hearing Jesus' words that his burden is light and his yoke is easy. You know, so it's like that is exactly it. We're not intended, we're not called to carry these heavy stones like he is. He's supposed to carry them for us. And so, like, I love that you said that.

SPEAKER_03 40:07

Put the stones down. That's beautiful. That's powerful. Some of that heaviness we're carrying is on forgiveness. And it's time to lay it down. Lay it down. Thank you, Ellie, so much for joining us.

SPEAKER_00 40:19

Thank you. I appreciate it.