How To Recognize Lies (and Strongholds)

Subscribe so you don't miss an episode!
https://intentionalbreakthrough.com/subscribe/

What if the thing keeping you stuck is not your weakness — but a lie you learned to believe?

In this episode of the Intentional Breakthrough Podcast, Charity Gurtler and Tania Hilton talk about one of the enemy’s most common strategies: planting lies that grow into shame, walls, strongholds, and unhealthy coping patterns. From childhood wounds to the belief that “something is wrong with me,” they unpack how these lies can shape the way we see ourselves, God, and others.

But the truth of Jesus is stronger than every lie.

This conversation offers practical encouragement for recognizing lies, breaking agreement with them, inviting the Holy Spirit into the healing process, and learning how to walk in the identity God has already given you.

If you’ve felt stuck, ashamed, guarded, or unable to receive God’s love, this episode will help you begin asking: “What lie is at the root — and what truth does God want to speak instead?”

⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️
Intentional Breakthrough Resources:

THE BOOK: Intentional Breakthrough by Charity Gurtler
https://a.co/d/08wOsvMY

Intentional breakthrough is possible when we align ourselves with God’s love and truth. You don’t have to sit and wait for your breakthrough to happen. Healing and restoration are attainable. Begin your journey today.

Go Deeper with us:
https://intentionalbreakthrough.com/
https://www.anchoredbiblicalcounseling.org/

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

The very things that you had to do to get you through are the things that are keeping you from moving forward. So you're right, like they had to put these walls up. Because I'm even replaying this in my head. It's like even the thought of having a wall is another layer of, well, what's wrong with you now? You have walls. You know, so you see how it just compounds, but it's it's recognizing that you had to have this wall up. This was your maladaptive coping skill, right? That helped you get through the dysfunction of childhood or dysfunction of family home systems. But now that that very means of getting you through is what's keeping you from moving forward.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

If you would like to stay up to date and get notified of when new episodes, blog posts, or resources are available, click on the subscribe link in the description. Please leave a comment with ideas or questions, or email us at questions at intentionalbreakthrough.com. We would love to hear from you and we'll include them in future QA episodes. For more information on these topics, visit intentional breakthrough.com. And for more information on a guided prayer session, visit anchored biblical counseling.org. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Welcome to the Intentional Breakthrough Podcast. My name is Charity Gertler and I'm going to be co-hosting with Tanya Hilton. And we are just here to talk about everything related to spiritual warfare, walking in authority, finding healing breakthrough in Christ. And just to make it the the hope is to get it to be simple and practical. I think it was always meant to be practical and simple, but it just can feel really confusing sometimes. When you're coming up against spiritual spiritual warfare, I mean, I'll be honest, feels like sometimes it feels like the enemy is doing a really good job making everything really confusing and cloudy, and I can't even think straight, or it's hard to hear from the Lord, hard to feel his presence, hard to know what to do. Um, but today we're gonna talk about one of the key strategies I feel like he throws our away. And that's lies. It the John 8 32, I just will start off with my favorite verse about it. It says, you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. So that little phrase right there, it I feel like it says it all. So if you know the truth, the truth will set you free. So if we're not living in freedom in an area of our lives, and again, it's I think it's important to realize like as Christians, as believers, we are free. But it's also apparent there's little areas of our lives where that freedom is not fully being lived out and walked out and expressed. And so how do we find freedom in each of those areas? And so that verse, if you know the truth, the truth will set you free. Um, what do you think, Tanya?

SPEAKER_03 2:36

You know, the thing is it's like it's so much easier. I don't know if this is a movie quote or if Nathan says it, or, but it's so much easier to believe the lie over the truth because it's hard to believe. I mean, you think about it, like you think about the gospel that God came down in the flesh to die for you, a sinner, a broken human who can never earn the love that he's got for you. And like that's that's the truth that he's did that for you. And so it's so much easier to believe, like, oh, I'm unforgiven, or I'm unforgivable, or I am broken, or there's, you know, I'm never gonna get better. Like it's so much easier to believe that lie, right? It is.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

I think it's easier to believe, I think that's one reason also because there is an enemy that's actively working to try and get us to believe these lies because he knows if we believe them, we're not gonna be free. And that's the goal, right? Is that we're bound and trapped and, you know, buried and um not walking in the freedom that Christ has for us, not walking in our identity as sons and daughters of God. Because what would it look like if we are fully walking and living in our identity, beloved, cherished sons and daughters of God, walking in his power and authority in the world? Like, what would that look like? You know?

SPEAKER_03 3:48

That can you imagine like the kingdom impact that that of course the enemy is gonna try to stop us? Now, here's the here's the the things, the schemes of the enemy is that they will start so young. So it's not, you know, as adults, like we hear things and we're like, oh, we can we can use logic and question that. But these lies start from the very beginning of our life. You know, we hear it in our from our parents, we hear it from our siblings, we hear it from our friends, and then we start repeating it. And so here's the the way that the scheme works is that um I have a close family member, won't won't say any names, but a close family member who was told at a very young age that something's wrong with you, right? Uh, by a parent. And it could even be like even, you know, you just think about how you talk sometimes, like, oh my gosh, what's wrong with you? Like, oh, your kid just made a huge must. Oh my gosh, what's wrong with you? Boom, lie. The seed just got planted, right? And so now this kid.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

Yeah. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

No, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

Well, that lies specific that lies specifically to there's something wrong with you. That's that's a lie, yeah, but that's shame. Like that's going straight to the person's identity. Like who you are is faulty or is wrong.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Shame deals the stronghold of shame deals with lies like create like it's candy. Like they just passes it out like it's candy, but like those lies are about who you are. And Christ came to set us free from shame and came to to actually restore and redeem our identity as that who we are is there's nothing wrong with who we are. You know, our identity is beloved and cherished and you know, with the Lord and and purified. And so it's um, I just had to throw that in there. And it is a lie, yeah, but man, that's shame all the way.

SPEAKER_03 5:33

Okay, so but and then so you just spoke the truth. But now imagine a five-year-old kid, you know, a little kid who's been told for years what's wrong with you. And then now, so the here's the crazy thing is like the language that we use as adults, our children will pick that up naturally, right? So if you listen long enough to the things that your kids are saying that you don't like, start listening to your own voice and be like, oh, that's my voice, right? Okay, so the five-year-old kid who's told by the parents what's wrong with you. Now the siblings start picking that up. And so when something, when they start fighting, what's wrong with you, Billy? You know, what's wrong with you, little Sarah? You've reinforced that lie. And now you start growing up and you're in high school, and well, your best friend fights with you, and you're like, well, something must be wrong with me. And then you start looking everything you see. So this is the way that the lie is planted as a little seed and then grows into an oak tree of a lie that's so deep, it impacts your entire life. And then you go through your entire life, well, what's wrong with me? Will something bad happen at work? Well, that's because of me. Because something's wrong with me, right? So then you start reinforcing that lie.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

And then it becomes really hard to even receive Christ's love and receive his truth. Like I feel like, you know, God's love is there and the truth is there, but it's hard to even receive it because I think what happens too is when you I actually just worked with a client. Then when you are given those lies when you're young, um, it's that's shame. Like you're coming up as a five-year-old kid or eight-year-old, whatever old you are, you're coming up against this really ugly, dark, heavy thing of shame that just makes you feel like you are a worthless person, that you are not good, that you're a bad kid, that you're it's your fault. And it's very, very natural, and I would be surprised if this didn't happen, to put up walls. You just put up these like, you know, figurative, not like actual like brick walls, but like in your heart, you just put up these blockades and these barriers to protect yourself from feeling those feelings because you don't have this, the tools, the knowledge, the even the knowing Christ really well at that point to work through those. And if you're the people that are supposed to be protecting you are giving are, you know, passing that shame on to you, your natural reaction is get to put up all these barriers. And so I was just working with a client this week where they kind of came to grips with the fact, like, oh, I have all these walls up and that's why I feel so stuck. Like they were just feeling so stuck. They love the Lord, they wanted to connect with him, but weren't able to, and finally realized it was all of the walls they had put up from when they were very young with all of these shame statements and all of these lies. And so it really creates like this, it it starts building like you said, like this big oak tree. Like it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And so it starts with this little lie and believing it, but not knowing how to work through that and it becomes this bigger and bigger problem.

SPEAKER_02 8:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

But it's it doesn't have to be complicated. How to find healing?

SPEAKER_03 8:25

How do you find healing with that then? Because now I'm so my mind is going and I'm taking down notes on like, well, we're gonna have to touch on strongholds, we're gonna have to touch on walls. Like, there's so much. Does it all start? It has to. It all starts with the lie.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Yes. I think um, I think that's one way to start. Yeah. So, but so okay, for instance, this client I was working with this week, they had to get to that point where they realized that they had walls. Um, I think that's almost the hardest part. The hardest part is like, you know, don't they even say like the hardest part is just admitting that you even have a problem. Yeah. Because what what and they actually said this. I didn't even put the words in their mouth. They said this. They're like, I I put the walls up to protect myself and I had to. It's not like that was a terrible thing. Like it was survival mode at that point. And they got them to a certain place. The walls actually did, in a sense, help get them to a place where they could survive and function and have put this blockade up in their mind to to keep um those feelings of shame at bay.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

But yeah, it you just hit it, you start hitting a glass ceiling.

SPEAKER_03 9:27

Yes, you just said something like profound that I that I I repeat to be so when I'm working with with people with dysfunction, I say to them, the very things that you had to do to get you through are the things that are keeping you from moving forward. So you're right, like they had to put these walls up because I'm even replaying this in my head. It's like even the thought of having a wall is another layer of, well, what's wrong with you now? You have walls. You know, so you see how it just compounds, but it's it's recognizing that you had to have this wall up. This was your maladaptive coping skill, right? That helped you get through the dysfunction of childhood or dysfunction of family home systems. But now that that very means of getting you through is what's keeping you from moving forward.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

I think that's why a lot of people crash and burn um at a certain point in their life, is because they did build up defense mechanisms while unhealthy coping mechanisms to get them through the unhealthy dysfunction of their life. And I'm not saying that's not a bad thing. I think sometimes that's all you can do. Like you have to do that. And but you need to get to that point where you're realizing, oh, these unhealthy things, while they did get me through a really difficult time in my life when I didn't know any better, are now keeping me back from moving forward. And now it's time to just go before the Lord in that vulnerability. And basically, I think laying down control, laying down figure thinking that you have it figured out because you do, like in survival mode, you will do whatever you can do to get through it. And I've been there. I'm talking from my experience and the experience of many other clients. It's like you will, you will just like grab onto control, grab onto discipline, grab onto like figuring things out and doing whatever you can to get through it. But all of those things are actually in healthy coping mechanisms when they're not in submission to the Holy Spirit, which they're not at that point. So it's the the client I was working with got to that point and they realized that as helpful as it was, and the control and the having a strong mind, they're a very intelligent person, they got to that point where they realized this is no longer getting me to where I need to go and it's actually holding me back. And they got to that point where they just kind of came to the end of themselves, in a sense, you know, and found that brokenness and just laid it down. And it was just like, okay, God, what do I do? What do I do next? And they were just in this place of humility where they're just able to go and just go before the Lord and say, okay, what's next? And thankfully I was able to just be there and just have these tools to just walk them through. Let's take these walls down. Let's find that lie. And once the walls came down, oh my goodness, it a lot of it was lies that were given to them as children. Um very similar to what you just said. Like it's always, it's all your fault. Like, what's wrong with you? Yeah, you're a bad kid. Like just these really these shame statements that were just really deep. But it wasn't until the walls came down that they were able to even get to that, get to the lies.

SPEAKER_03 12:17

Yeah, because it all it all builds on each other because I can see even the wall to admit that you have a wall is so shameful. There's so much shame because again, it's like something is wrong with me that I had to build this wall. Something is wrong with me that I have a wall. You know, and you said something earlier too. You said um, because it's a beautiful place to be, and I don't think people recognize it, but when you're at the end of your rope, when you have nothing left to do or give, and you feel so desperate, that's when the Holy Spirit was like, Yes, I can work with this. Yeah, there's no more resistance because you know, it's like you can't even fight. It's almost like you're fighting against the spirit itself, or you're fighting against yourself. And I always say, like, how is that serving you? And if you're at the end of your rope, that's a beautiful place to be because that's where the spirit comes in. That's where Jesus meets you.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

It is a beautiful place to be. Yeah, because you're not really you're not pushing his help away, you know, and sometimes you do it because you're you don't know if we don't know any better. We're it's scary to be there. But I just want to touch on this, the shame thing, because shame and condemnation are two strategies of the enemy to keep people from healing. The whole goal of shame and condemnation is to keep people from getting healed because they make people feel like if you open up, if you're vulnerable, like who you are as a person is gonna be exposed and everyone's gonna know that you're not valuable, you're not worthwhile, you're not, you know, all of these things and it they are all lies. Literally, they are lies. And so it's almost like just speaking about the identity of who God's children are and how he sees them and how he wants to redeem every single part of them is one of the most valuable things we can even do because just obviously there's this healing journey to go through, but it's hard for people even to get to that place and open up when they think that they're gonna be, you know, vilified or shamed or labeled. And it's like, I just want to speak into that. Like there is no shame and condemnation in the Lord. Like who, how he sees us is so vastly different than anything, anything else, that anyone else. Nobody and nothing else, the church, leaders, parents, nothing can accurately really see who each person is in Christ without his revelation, because who he how he sees us is so perfect and so pure in our own flesh, we can't even see it. And he he just loves each one of us so much. And I I I use this analogy all the time. I use it this week with that client, like like who you are hasn't changed, even though different things have come your way, even if you trip up and fall, like who you are hasn't changed. Like you are a child of God, a son and daughter of God, and you are in the battlefield working hard on his team, fully committed, fully loved by him. You love him and he loves you, and you're in the but you're in the middle of a battlefield. That's the reality. And there are arrows being thrown at you all the time, and some of them get through, and some of them get through and and get through chinks in your armor, but that doesn't change who you are. God sees that the whole reason you even got those arrows that came through your armor is because you're fighting for him. It's because you're on the battlefield fighting for him, and he's so proud of you, and he loves that and he cheers you on, and he's in the battlefield next to you, fighting alongside of you. And so it's okay to realize, oh, some arrows got into the chinks of my armor. It doesn't change my identity, who I am, but it's time to go to the triage tent and get them out. And it's time to find some healing. It's time to take a little bit of time to say, like, okay, what were the chinks in the armor? Let's get those healed up. And there's no shame in that. Like we are literally in a battlefield. Nobody has it all together. Nobody does. And that that that thought that we're supposed to have it all together, I think just gets people into more shame and condemnation, more of like a religious spirit that we have to look a certain way and act a certain way. It's like, no, none of us have it all together. We're kids, we're all just kids. And God is like raising us up in the family business, teaching us, training us how to work, how to fight harder. Like, and the way he sees us, when we get that revelation of who he sees us, it's or how he sees us, it's life-changing, you know, when to be seen for who we are and not what we do.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

Yeah. I mean, you look all through scripture. Tell me, point out to me one individual all through scripture who God said, perfect. That's that's the one I'm gonna work with. You know, just just one, just one. Because they're perfect, yeah. None of them. Exactly. Like he he comes to every single individual throughout scripture who's already broken, that they're at the end of the rope, that they are not perfect, that they're not, they don't have their stuff together. And that's where he's like, Yeah, I can work with that. And that's us too. And I think sometimes we look at these, these um transformations through scripture where we see Paul, I always go to Paul. I'm always like, if God could use the greatest persecutor of the early Christian church and do what he did through him for the gospel's sake, well, then he can work with me too, right? Right. And so I look at me.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

I'm not saying because you're so bad, because of me too.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

No, it's true. It's for all of us. And it's like, that's the thing is that God doesn't look at us and be like, okay, I'm gonna wait until they've got you know all their healing done to start working with them. The part where I feel like we don't allow the Holy Spirit to do the work that needs to be done in us is exactly what you're saying. It's that shame. When we, when we look at ourselves and we say, Well, I'm just too broken or I'm just too messed. First off, I'm like, how how arrogant of the individual that says, I'm too broken for God. Like, seriously, you're too broken for God. Like, God doesn't have the power to work in that, or God can't forgive the mess that I've done. I'm like, really? Like, how arrogant of us to think that. Because we all work, we all think that sometimes at some point of our journey. But I I want to go back a little bit, if that's okay, to the lies and like how they start planting seeds. Because you're right, it all starts with that little lie. And once we come to agreement with that lie, that's where it's like, okay, now the enemy has a foothold. And he's able to say, Yeah, I can work with this. I could, once she starts believing that lie, once he starts believing this lie, now I can start start adding the strongholds and the walls and things like that. Tell me a little bit more about the lies. Like, how do you catch the lies in your own family? Because I know your kids say stuff. I don't know if if this if anyone else is like this, but I do this all the time. If my kids say something, if if they speak to each other and they say, Oh, you're such a dummy, like you're so stupid, I get all over their butts. I'm like, don't you, don't you word curse? I say it all the time, don't you word curse him with that? Or it's even worse when I hear my kids say it, when they're like, Well, I'm just too dumb for that, or I'm not good at this, or I'm not smart enough. How do you deal with that in your own home?

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Um if I hear them say something like that, like well, I'll I'll draw their attention to it nicely. And again, back to the shame thing. Like I've noticed how easy it is when you're correcting your children. Uh you the way you say it or your tone, you can be passing on shame. Like even calling it. Our generation we were kids. Yeah. Our generation when we were kids, I think it was my very common. It was there's a lot more shame and just like how parents even parented, it was kind of more of a common thing. And so I don't really hold it against anyone like that. We're all just growing and learning. But it's it's just it's very common too when you correct your children to like use that shame to try and change their behavior. And it's interesting. So anyway, so so first step is like when I do try and um point that out to my kids, I'm kind of aware, like, oh, I don't want them to feel like I'm heaping on them. You're a bad kid because of what you said, you know. So I try and like make sure my tone is free of that and how I say it, it's free of that. And just um yeah, so I'll just bring up like, hey, we gotta watch what we say, remember? And and we kind of have that language in our house a little bit already. They already understand, you know, the value of words um and bring it up. And then there have been times when there's something going on with some of my kids, and it's kind of more of a uh a long like a pattern. And so I do, I go before the Lord, I'm just like, okay, God, what is that? There's something at the root of that. And there's been some times when my kids have let me pray with them and we uncover the lie and we ask the Lord, um, okay, what's what lie is is there? And that that's really helpful. There's this one time, I'll just say this, and I want to hear your perspective. But there's this one time, there's something going on with one of my kids. And this story's kind of funny to me. So um, and it was uh it was going on for a while, and I'm like, something's going on here. Like, we need to get to the root of this. This is like really eating at them. There's this negative behavior happening. They're like kind of reacting, you know, to other people, kind of lashing out other people, but there's something happening that's not good. So I was in prayer with it a lot, and I kind of felt like the Lord was giving me some direction. And so there's one day, um, but my uh my son was really just not in a great place. And I asked him, like, can we pray about it? And he's like, No, I don't want to pray about it. Like, that's you know, like absolutely he didn't want to do it. So I was like, man, I just know we just need to get to this lie. What are we gonna do? I'm like, I'll give you five bucks. He's like, Okay, how about 10? I was like, deal, I'll do it. Wow, oh my god, okay, but he was but it worked. I'm like, I'll do it if that's what it takes. But his heart was sincere, it was there. So he's like, Okay, fine, I'll pray. And we prayed and we got to this lie and just prayed and did some forgiveness and kind of did a little bit of that digging. And and I was like, uh, I asked him, okay, what's what's this lie that you're believing? And he said it and it just broke my heart. He's like, that I'm a bad kid. Oh and there it was, it's the shame statement again. Like who he was was bad. And I'm like, that was it. I could just tell that's what was eating at him. Yeah. And so we broke agreement with that lie. That's the language I like to use. Doesn't have to be that, but broke agreement with that lie. I said, Okay, I told my son to ask God what the truth is, because you need to know what the truth is. And he was able to hear God speak to him what the truth was. Wow. Which was the opposite, of course. You know?

SPEAKER_03 21:51

Of course. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

I kid you not, from that moment, it started shifting. His attitude started shifting, the way he related started shifting, that heaviness and like Most darkness that was on him just started lifting and it turned, turned the corner, and it was different. And it's been different ever since. Like that was like the root of something that was starting to grow in his life. And we got to it and a total shift happened. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:13

So what what age, because I'm curious, because some of the research that I've done before, and it's unclear, again, this is these are these are theories because it's it's you know not laid out, like a book isn't laid out for us. But um some research I've done before says that as parents, we have the authority because we have the covering over our children to do things like break lies, break agreements and stuff like that. Well, what are your thoughts on that? What age would you want to do that?

SPEAKER_01 22:40

I've thought of that a lot, actually, because um when my kids are little and I work through different family issues or generational issues that come up, I'll notice a shift when they're like if I feel like I found this breakthrough and they're little, they get the breakthrough. It's just like the covering just like covers them. And then I've just noticed that all along as they were growing up. But then but then when they got to the age of somewhere around like eight, nine, ten, somewhere eight, nine, ten, somewhere in there, I started noticing that I could pray through something, but then they also had to do their little version as well. Yeah, yeah. So it's as there's just something like as they grow. When they're little, it's just totally our covering. Like the age of reason, or I've heard that is that what it is, where it's like somewhere around eight, nine, somewhere around there. And they get to that point where then, okay, now they have to also um find that truth in themselves as well, like come into agreement with the truth as well. But if we can shift the atmosphere and break that over the family, it's just so easy to to do that with my kids. So I've noticed that with all the kids, is as they reach that age that at that point they need to start kind of a little bit of a participation. Yeah. And then it probably like builds as it, you know, it builds as they get older and older. But I'm hoping that we're having the starting this culture and this language now that the older they get, it's gonna hopefully be okay.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

So right, right. Okay. So how would you address a situation uh because it's interesting that you talk about shame too, because that's something that now is on my radar. That I need to be careful that even if I call out, if my kids are speaking lies about themselves, um, or even if I catch a friend saying something, I'm like, that's not true, that's a lie. I need to be careful that I'm not compounding that shame with more shame. Like you shouldn't be talking to about yourself. Like you're a bad Christian, you're a bad person to say that bad stuff about you. So I you've got to be careful. I guess, I guess that's what I'm saying is like I have to be careful that when I call out the lie, don't make it worse, right? Do no harm.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

Right. Well, if it helps, I've seen you in uh like when you do it with other friends, I don't notice that at all. So I think it really comes down to it's what's in agreement in your heart. What are you in agreement with in your heart that's gonna come out through your speech? So if your heart is not there, it you can say it and nobody's gonna be feeling, you know, ashamed or whatever if it's if your heart is clear. But it's just like understanding like day to day it can change a little bit, you know, like based on what's going on, what's happening. And so I'm just I know I think with kids it comes out more, it's more likely to come out, you know, when you're stressed and family dynamics and everything else. And so I'm always just trying to be aware of how I speak to them, how I correct them.

SPEAKER_03 25:14

So even my kids, uh so my kiddos are a little bit older than yours, that they're more teen they they are teenagers. But even my kids, now that I think about that, they so one of the the things that we talk about often is there's power of life and death in the tongue. And so that's what we were telling our kids like don't don't speak lies over each other, you know, like they'll be like, You're such a dummy. I'm like, nope, don't you say that about your sibling? And then I noticed though, they'll use it against each other. Like so-and-so is speaking lies about me, like trying to get them in trouble. So that's what I have to be careful with is like catch them that they're not using that shame to try to shame each other, right? I know. Yeah, teenagers are teenagers. Yes, yes. So, okay, no, mental, I'm making mental notes during this too.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Well, when you notice that it I like to bring this point up all the time, it's not just about what we do or what we say, it's what spirit we're in agreement with in our hearts as we do or say those things. Like you can have a very similar action or even say very similar words, but what you what are you partnering with in your heart, that's what's gonna come out, you know? And so if in that instance, like they're using the right Bible verse, right? But like the intention behind it wasn't necessarily the right thing. And so, so really to fix that behavior isn't to fix the the the proper, the right way to fix that behavior isn't just to fix their actions. Like, oh, don't do that, don't say that. It's what's at the root of that. It's in the heart. And then asking the Lord and kind of digging down, like what's at the root of that even in my family? Like doing it on your own time. Like, what's at the root of that in my family? What is that that's coming up and starting to do that work? Like, is this shame? Is this this or whatever? And doing that with you and the Lord. And as you do that work and start to see that shift in your own life, over you'll start to see it over the family. And then you'll be able to, once you're in a place of authority over whatever that issue is, you'll be able to walk your kids into that place of authority as well.

SPEAKER_03 27:03

Yeah. Okay. I just, I'm just like, oh my gosh, I just got it. Like I just figured out what there's a dynamics with the younger two, my youngest in particular. And I'm like, what's it? You're asking the question. I'm like, what's at the root of it? And it just came up. And I'm like, oh my gosh, okay, we got it. Which I'm not gonna bring it up here because I don't want my kiddos to be like, you're talking about us. I don't want to shame them. We'll have to be like, once we're done, we'll have to, I'll have to tell you what's going on. But I'm like, I see it. I know exactly what's at the root of it. And so it's like, oh, okay, this was fun.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

Yeah, you gotta, it's a little bit of a hard, harder work in the beginning of the time to go to the root. We have to go to the root, though. Because if you don't, it just comes back and comes back. But if you, if we take that little bit of extra push, a little bit of time to go to the root of what's happening in our lives, anything in our lives, any conflict we're facing, we get to the root of it, it's going to save so much heartache and time and everything in the long run.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Because once the root is taken care of, it's like, oh, everything it shifts and it's better. That thing's not going to keep coming back.

SPEAKER_03 28:04

Exactly. Because everything else that you're dealing with is a symptom. So this is, I use this analogy a lot with people that I work with is if you've got a thorn underneath the skin, it's going to cause an infection. But it's also going to cause pain and swelling and like the symptoms of the thorn will will be there. And that's what we normally address. Like we go after the symptom because that's what hurts us the most. It's like pull that thorn out. Once you pull the thorn out, everything else around it heals. Like if you're just putting antibiotics on the top or like ointment on the top, you're just going to deal with a symptom. But that thorn is still underneath. It's causing infection. It's going to go septic and all that stuff. You know, having a nurse for a husband, he tells me all the bad stuff that could happen with thorns. You know, it's like that's what's happening. We got to get to the root. We got to pull that thorn out.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

I think that's a perfect analogy for lies. So there's our full circle. That thorn often is a lie. It's a lie that we believe way deep down. And the thing is, is we may not even be aware of it up here in our head, day-to-day thinking. But as we go before the Lord, allow him to dig, allow to go him to go below the surface, we get to that point where we're like, oh, deep down inside, I've had this lie trapped here since I was five. And it's been, it's a thorn. It's been causing this infection and this pain my entire life, so much so that I build up walls to avoid it. And I do this to try and and avoid this and and change my perspective here. And it you start to realize how much that's affected your life. And it all came down to this little thorn. And so when you go before the Lord and He reveals it, and we've taken that thorn out, He takes the thorn out and heals it with His truth. Everything else starts to shift. And instead of trying to deal with all of the symptoms, we just take the thorn out. And that's yeah, that's where the power is. When you know the truth, the truth will set you free.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

Okay. So here is here is the the issue, I guess, is remember little kids, like remember being a little kid and your mom's coming at you with that needle to get the thorn out, right? I love, let me just say, like splinters. Like I am like the splinter master. You give me a wiggly tooth or a splinter, I'm like, let's go. I remember that. Right. I know, dude. I love it. Like I love going after splinters. I don't know what it is. But, anyways, most kids, I remember one of my friends, her daughter had a splinter and it was right there, like splinters. I'm like, this is gonna be super easy. I don't even need a needle, like it'll I can get out. But her daughter, she might have been seven or eight at the time, like freaked out, was like, I'm ready to amputate her foot. She's like, You're not going after the splinter. Like, she she was like really upset about the whole thing. So think about it. When the enemy doesn't want that splinter gone, he wants it to stay exactly where it is. So he's gonna make you think this is another part of the lie. Getting that splinter out is gonna cause so much damage. Like, just leave it. It's better that you leave it there, right? So that's a kid that's like, don't come at me with that with the tweezers going for that splinter. They're terrified of the process of removing the splinter. But we know we can't let that splinter stay because it could get infected and it's gonna hurt longer in the long run. So that's the last thing we got to say about lives.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

That you knew what was best, that even though you're coming at her with the needle and that might cause more pain, just to trust you that you have her best interests in mind, let you do what you needed to do to get that splinter out so that she could walk in healing. She needed to realize that she didn't really understand it all, that you knew more than her, and she just needed to trust you. And then that's how it fails, right?

SPEAKER_03 31:28

Just like the Heavenly Father works, right?

SPEAKER_01 31:31

I feel like there's so much more to get into about lies, but that's the time for today. So let's wrap this up. And um, next week I think we should dig more into that. Um, no pun intended with the digging. Like I don't want to dig with the needle, but just we should like unpack it a little bit more. So, okay, thanks for tuning in to this episode. Next time we're gonna go after a little bit more. Sounds good.